Saturday, February 9, 2013

Getting Rid of the Minor Details

I wrote last week about how I was working on loving my husband, and getting rid of all the little details that bug me and bog down my love.  So how to throw out all that garbage?

that you want to change the way you feel about your relationship.

because your spouse is worth forgiving, and you are worth more than having to carry around a load of resentment.   And forgive yourself, because we all make a ton of mistakes, too.

on all the good things about your relationship, because there are lots of things you love about this your spouse.  You married him, after all!

how much worth you have - and how much worth your spouse has.  Or maybe just try to.  Because knowing how truly magnificent you are changes everything.  And understanding a little bit of their inherent awesomeness changes everything.  It helps me a great deal when I sing "I Am a Child of God" by replacing "I" with his name:  "Trent is a child of God..."  The whole world shifts.  Here is a snippet from A Blog About Love (a blog I highly recommend!)

You see, if YOU have worth that is inherent and intrinsic to who you are (see Step 1), you know that so does everyone else.  Even if they make mistakes, they still have worth.  Seeing them in that light frees you to to love them as a human being, regardless of whether or not they are capable of returning love to you, regardless of whether or not your love is received.  You are free to seek to build someone else's worth regardless if they receive it or are grateful for it.  Again, if you already own your own worth, you aren't looking for anything from them.  You are simply hoping for someone else to know their own worth, too.  Period.  This is the essence of love.  It is knowing that someone is worth your patience.  Your kindness.  Your forgiveness.  Your compassion.  Not because they are doing anything to deserve it.  But because they inherently have worth, just like you do.  And so your goal is to bring it out in them.  And if you don't succeed, then you will be ok.  You don't "need" to succeed, but you offer what you can out of love, and then you let each person carry out their own life and their own path.

And then
because you can.  Because really, getting rid of the little things that drive you crazy i more about getting rid of your own garbage, and seeing life as good and loving, than it is about changing them.  Your can love.  And I can, and I want to.

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