Happy Father's Day

Found another post I forgot to hit "publish" on.  

Happy Father's Day to a wonderful man!  When we were in high school, I always thought he'd be a great Daddy, just by watching him play with my little brothers.  How lucky I am now, to watch him play with our kids.  And how lucky are they to have such a hands-on Dad?

This is what he wanted for Father's Day - to play games with the kids.  First he played little-kid Monopoly with the younger set.  Who knew that playing with children was so manly?  Every father ever, that's who.

Then they got out the big boy version and played for about an hour.  They all had lots of fun.

You are terrific, Trent!  So glad we all have you.

Being Gentlemanly

All my life I have heard about how to be a gentleman.  My mother was constantly instructing my four brothers (and me) to not put our elbows on the table.  Say please and thank you.  Don't belch.  We were often admonished to "mind your manners!"  Although we were (and still aren't) perfect, I think we eventually learned how to behave ourselves, and I don't think we caused too much embarrassment to our sweet mother.  I hope not, anyway.

During those same formative years, I remember her often teaching my brothers how to behave around girls and women.  They were instructed to open the car for my mother.  They learned to open doors and let the women go through (although I don't remember being on the receiving end of these practices).  I do remember her admonishing them to "be gentelmen."

I just got a lovely book from my dear sister-in-law (thanks so much!), and I read it that very day.  Twice.  It was set more or less in England's Regency period, similar to Pride and Prejudice.  Oh, I enjoyed the book!  For some reason, I have always been drawn to the gentle refinement of that era.  Maybe I'm just a sucker for Jane Austen's writing.  No, that's not true.  I have suffered through a few of her books that I thought were abominably dry and unnecessarily long.  And there are a lot of things I don't like and find unfair or restrictive about that period.  But I love reading about it, living it vicariously.  I would even like to live there for a short while.  I would.

I think the thing I like the most is the emphasis on being a gentleman.  All those good manners that my mother worked so hard to instill in my brothers are there, and bigger than life.  Similarly, I am constantly trying to teach my boys to be nice and mannerly and kind.  Please don't belch at the table.  You can use nicer language than that.  No, we do not comment on the passing of gas.  It's a constant battle of refinement against our more coarser nature.

I love to read (and got some of my boys hooked on it, too!) The Art of Manliness.  That's what I'm talking about here.  Let's just peruse some of their articles, shall we?  How to wear a leather jacket with style.  Bringing back common sense.  How to roll up your shirt sleeves.  Why every man should be strong.  Being a gentleman at the office.  This is not sexist.  It's just how to be the best man you can, and how to be strong and nice at the same time.  I think it's a worthy goal.

I was a bit frustrated this morning, and I was thinking some uncharitable thoughts.  My inner mother jumped out, and I nearly admonished myself to be more gentlemanly.  Hmm...  Now that I think about it, I don't remember being taught how to be ladylike.  Only in keeping my skirt down and not climbing trees in a dress. The picture of womanhood that is being advanced in our society is remarkably... manly.   I am not a man, not am I interested in becoming one.  That is not to say that I am any weaker in character, for that is entirely untrue.  But there is a fine difference between being a woman, and being a lady.  Are we losing the art of being feminine and strong and kind?  What happened to being a ladylike?  I'm wondering.


P.S. I'm not affiliated with The Art of Manliness.  They have no idea who I am, although I'm a huge fan, and raiser of sever gentlemen-to-be.  I even sent off one of my missionaries with a double edged safety razor and shaving soap, just like they recommended.

P.P.S.  Jay always told me that he would never strike a lady.  That's what he daddy taught him.  But with a wicked twinkle in his eye (probably after being hit by a pillow flying out of my grasp), he did admit that if a woman hit him first, then she was definitely not a lady.  Stinker.

Stink Bugs!

Jenny, avert your eyes. I don't want you to have bad dreams.

We rented a vacation house and went on an adults-only family reunion last weekend. It was wonderful and fun and recharging and frustrating and silly and not nearly long enough. I so love my four brothers and their lovely wives!

The adventures started out early, with the basement of the house filling up with ugly black stink bugs. The little beasties weren't too bad alone, but all of them together were pretty scary.

Fortunately, my awesome brothers did their manly duty and got rid of the bugs. With the manly vacuum cleaner. It was actually fun to hear their little bug bodies rattle through the vacuum tube as they got sucked up. Take that, bug invasion! There may have been some squealing, but I'll never tell.  The manly folks even emptied out the central vacuum canister from the garage so there would be no chance of a middle of the night attack back into the house through the whole-house vacuum ports. Whew.

They counted the bugs as they met your demise. Nearly a hundred. Glad they were gone, and glad I have such manly brothers. *fist bump times four*

Scout Camp

It's that time of year again.  Scout camp season.  Eddie has his first overnighter - what fun!  David spent a week at a scout camp and earned a bunch of merit badges, and was inducted into the Order of the Arrow.  He's pretty thrilled about it.  And these two were so excited to go...

Actually, there were excited.  How often do you get to hike and swim in the Grand Canyon?  They were just less than happy about Mom taking a picture of them so early in the morning before they left.

Their camping adventure was a unique one.  They attended a lecture by a camping expert and decided to make their own hammocks to sleep in.  They did most of the work, and I just helped hem the hammocks and the mosquito netting a little bit.

They tell me the hammocks worked great, as long as they were hung correctly.  How manly is it to make your own bed?  Really.

They had a memorable time, and it was fun to look over their pictures when they came home.  This is the last time Ben and Chris get to camp together before Ben leaves, and I'm glad they got to.  Love that my boys have this chance to be together, with the amazing leaders they have, in the beautiful earth the Lord made for us.

Ben and his buddy (4th and 5th from left) making "M" for Madagascar.  Chris is 5th from the right.  Love all the farmer tans.  What a great group of kids and leaders!

nope.  don't have any affiliation with theultimatehang.com.  just think they are awesome.

Suit Selection

Wow.  It's been a while, huh?  We got the Christmasing and holiday-ing done and cleaned up.  the kids are back in school.  I even trimmed my getting-frightfully-long-but-very-feminine nails so I could type without using my knuckles.  No more excuses to not get back into writing.  And if I can, I'll do a bit of catching up with our festivities.

I heard that the first Monday back to work after the holidays has been shown to be the most depressing day of the year.  I'll bet the rest of the week isn't much better.  Part of that, I'm sure, has to do with not feeling well from all the junk we consumed.  Another part, for me, is the letdown of not-much-to-do after the crazy busy of December.  This year, however, we have plenty to do.  Less than three months from now, Alec is joining the ranks of an LDS missionary.  It's high time we start getting him ready.  I probably should do a few posts on this - the whole process of getting a boy ready to be a missionary - just because I'll be doing it a few times.  Seven, to be exact.

I'll let the preliminaries occupy other posts and we'll just talk about suits here.  My boys haven't normally worn suits.  A full dress suit is just a bit too expensive of an item to purchase for a boy who is expected to grow out of it in three weeks or less.  Or blow out the knees.

One of my favorite aunts (bless you, Aunt Shirley!) bought suits for the older three or four boys for Christmas one year.  As it turned out, that was the year Jay died just before Christmas, so they wore them to the funeral.  They looked splendid.

Years later, when Trent and I married, we outfitted the five boys in tuxedos for the wedding.  Dashing.  The pictures of my little (and getting-bigger) boys in a row of tuxes are some of my favorite memories.

But since then... they wear white shirts and dark slacks to church.  I will mention that we have a closet full of formal wear, as some of the boys have had to purchase tuxedos for choirs and bands they have performed in.  We have quite a collection of tux pants and jackets in different sizes, as well as ties and vests and cummerbunds.  It saves us a lot of money come Prom and Homecoming time!  And I love seeing my boys all gussied up.  So handsome.  It's almost too bad they can't wear a tux on a mission!

The local elders came by while we were taking pictures for Homecoming last fall, so here is the range of man-dress from Sunday best and Tuxedo pants to missionary attire.  They're all handsome!

Alec does have a hand-me-down suit from a cousin, but he's really gotten too broad in the shoulders for it to be a good fit.  Suit shopping is now on our list of things to do.  As a little bit of preliminary research, here are some things about suits that we need to know.

This is the look we're aiming for:  well-groomed and conservatively-dressy.

A little bit more modern and trendy than the conservative look we're after, but some good guidelines here.

A good guide to what a well-fitted suit looks like, from the ever awesome Art of Manliness.

Good way to remember which buttons get buttoned and which don't.

And of course, we need to know how to tie the necktie to go with the suit.  We find the Four in Hand to be the easiest for young boys to master, but makes too small of a knot for older guys.  Ben has to stick with this one to conserve tie length.  The Windsor is a great looking knot, but makes for a much shorter tie when you are done - bad for our tall boys.  I'm partial to the Half Windsor.  I haven't been familiar with the Shell, so we'll have to try it!

Feel Vindicated

I just read the funniest article.  I know it won't be funny to everyone.  But it was funny to me.  And poignant.

I graduated from college when I was 6 months pregnant.  We had been married for a year.  I know, quick - but that's what was right for us.  My husband had one more semester to go before he was done.  I was too blah and uncomfortable to go out and get a job or anything, so I just stayed home in our little apartment.  I read books and slept a lot, and sewed baby clothes.  I remember being bored and feeling yucky and wondering what I had gotten myself into.  What am I going to do all day as a stay-at-home mom?  I wondered about that often.  I soon found out.

Raising children takes a lot more time than I thought it would.  Mommying is hard work.  Sometimes nasty, sometimes joyful, sometimes frantic, sometimes boring, but oh-so-gratifying.

So when I read this article titled "You're a stay-at-home mom?  What do you DO all day?"  I was interested.

I loved it.  I read and re-read it.  And then I had to read it to my husband who was groggily stumbling out of the bedroom after hunkering down for a few days with the man-flu.  He was nice enough to listen and not fall asleep while I was reading.  Thanks, dear.

I came away from the article feeling grateful that someone else gets me.  I'm understood.  I'm important.  My role as a mother is critical for the health of our society.  And it felt good.  I'm not trying to say that non-stay-at-home-non-moms aren't important.  Quite the opposite.  We're all beneficial.  Really.  Unless you live off a government grant that has you collecting elephant poop.  But maybe then you are important to the elephants, so you're good.

So today, do an internet search of something you like to do, and read up on the latest articles (they doesn't even have to be peer-reviewed) that prove you are worthwhile.  I bet you'll find something.  You love quilting?  You are an important part of America's cultural heritage.  Are you into marketing?  Society needs you.  Are you a grandparent?  "The government needs to rethink the policy implications" of your "positive role."  Are you a manager?  Your role is critical.  You like shopping on Main Street? Your hometown economy depends on you.

Don't be cynical.  Just take it as a little boost for the day.  It might even make you share an article or two.

BTW, Man flu is real.  I'm not making it up.  I feel vindicated.

Just for today, google (or bing or yahoo or whatever you do) "my interest/job/hobby/calling" important (like "librarians important") and see what comes up.  And then feel vindicated.  And important - 'cuz you are!

Men Have Toys Too

We have an iPhone.  An almost-new, perfectly good one.  But then Alec got a new, non-iPhone.  It was newer and cooler and best-er.  He showed it to Trent and they compared phones and apps and features and coolness levels.  Alec won.  So Trent just had to get a newer phone, too.

So if a man gets a new toy,

He will have to play with it.  And if he starts playing with it, he will need to look up and hook up all new cool things.

And if he spends time getting the new toy working, it will get later.

And if it gets too much later, his wife may just go to the bedroom without him and read a book.  By herself.  

And if it gets too much later, 

she may try to bribe him to come to bed.

But if it gets too much later.

She may just give up and eat it herself.

Sorry, Sweetheart.  But then again, I really don't feel all that bad.

And that's the truth.

Ethical Dilemmas

Now that I have typed that dilemma word, it doesn't look right.  Wright.  Rite.  Good thing we have spell check.

Anyway...

I just spent the afternoon with my dad, hemming up some of his pants.  It was fun to just sit in my mom's easy chair and chat.  Of course, it helped that I had left my (coughing) little ones at home.  More peaceful, and more healthy for my dad.

So... Dad wants me to look up his old flame.  Wha...?  They were high school sweethearts, but she didn't wait for him when he went to Germany.  Broke his heart that she got married.  As a side note, my mother, who was also in Germany at the time (living with her brother at the Air Force base) went to console my dad after the Dear John.  I can just hear us now, calling from Heaven, "Future Dad!  Ditch the deserter!  Marry this lovely gal instead!"

Now, Dad's lonely.  Can't blame him, not one bit.  But from everything I can figure out, his old girlfriend is still married.  That makes it awkward.  What to do?

And another ethical question.

When a man's employer gives the green light for salesmen to wear very conservative shorts to work, what kind of footwear is involved?  I keep seeing this in my head:

or this:

I get that athletic shorts call for tennis shoes and white socks.  And obnoxiously loud Hawaiian tourister shorts on an old man are worn with over-the-calf black socks and dress shoes.  (Horrors!)  To me, shorts are best worn barefoot, and that's the kind of gal I am.  But for a man in a work environment?

As I am researching, I came across this lovely quote:

Socks and sandals is an appropriate pairing for old German men on vacation and no one else. 

And the best thought of all:
 Be remembered for your friendly conversation, not for being the over-dressed peacock or under-dressed ruffian.

I think I shall recommend that he wear light slacks to work in the summer. With dark shoes and socks. But not shorts. Not at all.