When I was younger, I didn't understand why people would say marriage was so hard. Yes, I do remember listening intently to the low murmur of voices at my parents' closed door after I knew it had been a tense day. I was always worried that they were fighting. I'm sure they had their disagreements. We all do. Much later, my mom told me about the grooves in her tongue that happened from biting it so hard during difficult moments. We all have those, don't we?
To me, one of the biggest roadblocks to loving my husband is me getting annoyed. That's pretty sad, I know. But when I let his (fill in the blank annoying habit) bug me, then it is my problem, not his. I had a really hard time with this at first. After all, it wasn't my annoying habit. I'm not in the wrong. Right?
Wrong. It's my problem when I get annoyed.
His action is still his. He still gets to be responsible for the things he does. I don't own that. I can feel sorrow for bad choices he makes, sure. But I create a new problem by choosing to get bothered about it. And that is what I am responsible for. See, when I am annoyed, or bothered, or angry, then I lose that loving feeling. I can't come to the discussion table with a sense of love and appreciation and really wanting to solve a difficulty for the best of both of us.
By letting him get under my skin, I add to the problem and become less able to help solve it. Lose, lose. And he doesn't want to be around me. More lose.
My new choice, then, is to not get bothered. I'm in charge of how I feel, no matter what. I love him. He's my man. I chose him years ago, and I still do. This month, I'll work on getting rid of the minor details that bug me so I can get on with the big picture of loving him. Because I can. And because I want to.
How do I get rid of the minor details? Stay tuned...
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