I Missed This!

The kids were giving me a hard time about the pictures in our living room.  Specifically, our family pictures.  We have a larger picture of the whole family, surrounded by smaller individual pictures.  What?  They are the faces of the people I love most in the world!  I see no problem with them.  But Mom, they protested, the pictures are more than 5 years old.

They are?  I looked at them again, harder this time.  Yes, the twins were adorably chubby in their toddlerhood.  There were cute little boy faces of David and Eddie grinning at me.  Those two boys have lost their round cheeks and are in high school now.  The pictures were taken in our backyard - two houses ago.  It was a different time for our family, when they all lived at home and things seemed to move a trifle slower.

Maybe I'm a little bit nostalgic for that time when I made dinner for ten people every night.  I liked having them all home, with me.  It's easy to forget the hard parts and just remember the happy smiles that hang on my living room wall.  I know I should get some new, more current pictures.  I just don't want to forget these ones.

I realized that I remember the happy parts of those times because I wrote about them.  I don't have to write about all the parts, but whatever I do write is what I remember.  And not writing for the past few years has meant that I'm not remembering.  Big swaths of our lives have happened, ended, and are now being forgotten.  That makes me sad.  Especially now that they are growing up and leaving home at a frighteningly fast speed, I want to hang on to the happy things a little bit tighter.  I need to fill my mother-heart with all the good of today, and be able to remember it tomorrow.

And so I'll start writing again.  My family is worth it.  Our memories are worth it.  All the good we can add to the world by just pointing it out is worth it.

The End of School

I didn't record the end of school here, but it was a happy time.  I love getting my kids home for the summer!  Check out these cute little faces.  Maybe they aren't being so cute right now!  This will be the first summer vacation for the twins, and they aren't really happy about it.  Freddie will not miss walking home after school every day.  But they think they will miss their friends, and they love going to school.  They don't understand why they have to stop going to school for a few months.  I'm glad they have had a good experience in kindergarten.

David just finished his last year at the junior high, and Eddie his first year there.  I loved just sitting back and watching the two of them flip through the junior high yearbook together.  I don't think either of them budged for hours.

I didn't get a picture of our girl, but her world is falling apart!  She is in mourning for her little friends that she won't be able to see all summer long!  You should hear her lament.  With a pouty face, it's "alllll summer loooooong!"  Like they were dying or something.  Pretty pathetic.  I'm sure she'll manage, because she's not generally looking for drama, but her friends are important to her and she loves being with other people.  Like her daddy, she is.

Here is the biggest change at the end of this school year.  Chris is done - oh happy day!  He has not been fond of being in high school, and really couldn't wait to get done with it.  I'm glad he managed to finish all of his requirements anyway.  He hates having me take his picture, so this is a splendidly pleasant face.  It will be fun to see where he chooses to go in his life.

And that is the end of the school year.  Some summers are full of goings, some are more lazy.  As much as I would love to just relax and vacation at the beach this summer, I know it will be more on the busy side.  My oldest three boys will be working, Ben will be coming home, we have a wedding coming up, and at the end of the summer, all three of them will be moving out.

This is our last summer together, and I plan to cherish every little tidbit I get.  We will have 11 people living in our house for a few months, and after this, the whole dynamic of our family changes.  Not in a bad way, but change is often fun and melancholy at the same time.  Who knows what we will look like next summer?

On the Computer

We're not always on the computer, but when we want to be, we can sure load them up. We have three desktop computers in the office, plus a few tablets and phones. 

I have a laptop that doesn't live in the office because I like to sit on my squishy soft couch. And the office floor is to cold. But I digress.

It was fun to walk by the office and see all my at-home boys piled in there, playing games with each other. The room is sometimes quiet, then erupts in cheers or exclamations or groans. I'm glad they play together!

Happy at Home

Every day, I see so many little scenes that make my mother-heart happy.  I walk past a room and see a happy moment or hear joy shooting about and I think THIS is it.  This is the good life that I've been working for all these mothering hours.  I just want to soak in all the happiness and memorize the faces and never, ever forget.  And then something else happens and I do forget.

Some things that happen often enough that I remember:  Freddy loves to listen to Josh Groban's "Don't Give Up."  I think it is one of Eddie's favorite songs too.  Freddy puts the CD in the digital piano and sings his little heart out.  Georgie joins in, but Freddy really belts it out.  Often.  And during the worst possible moments: we have company, Trent and I are trying to have a difficult parent discussion, I'm on the phone...  Many times, Eddie will sing along, too.  His voice is just starting to change, but he wants to be a deep bass so he tries to sing lower than he actually can.  That song has a wide range, and it's cute to listen to Eddie struggle to hit the notes, or switch to a lower register and still struggle.  Anything to avoid showing that a teenaged boy can hit high notes, right?  Hearing them sing just makes me happy.

Legos happen here all,  the.  time.  The older boys have always bought new Lego sets with the birthday and Christmas money they get from Grandma Jeanne.  Hooray for generous grandparents!  So they each have quite a stash of Legos, in various stages of assemblement.  We also have a big bin full of more plain bricks that Gram found at a thrift store and gave to us for Christmas.  We have such wonderful grandparents!  AND we have two bins full of Legos that live here at the house that were Grandma Susie's.  I think I see a theme running here with grandmothers and Legos.  On Sunday afternoons, the back room becomes Lego Central and they all get out their bricks and start building.  Older, younger - age and gender don't matter as they invent and create and play...together.  That's the best part.  Together.

Another music thing I like is hearing the kids play the piano.  We have two pianos: a digital one and an acoustic piano, sitting side-by-side in the front room.  The rule is that whoever started making music first gets dibs on the airspace, but the digital piano has earphones, so two work mostly well.  David plays by ear, and will sit down and pick out a song.  He teaches the twins how to one-finger some songs, and I enjoy listening to them all play different parts of "Ode to Joy" or other little songs.  Love the music in our home.

I love walking into a room and seeing two boys engrossed in conversation.  Or one boy leaning over another on the computer, helping him figure out his technical difficulties.  Or hearing someone announce he is going on a bike ride, inviting others to go with him, and leaving the house with a group.  Or hearing giggles under a blanket fort that the big boys built for the little ones.  Or seeing the kids take turns pushing each other on the swings.

These are a mother's payday.  This is when the hard work, the late hours, the heartache and tears are all worth it.  And I want to cherish each of these moments and remember them forever, but I can't.  Fortunately, new joys are always coming up to replace the old, faded ones and life is still good.

I hope that one day when I'm old and my brain isn't working quite like it does now, those happy bits will come back to me at random times.  My rocking chair will slow down, I'll set down my knitting needles and laugh - a little gravely old lady chuckle - and be happy all over again.

Mission Monday

Change is in the air.

The flowers are coming up, the snow is melting, we are putting another bed in Chris's room, and Alec wrote a longer letter this week than the normally-longer-winded Ben.  Always something new!

Ben told me a funny story about a drunk guy they encountered who kept telling them that he loved them.   "The one thing that makes me have a good day no matter what is finding something to laugh about. There's lots of good things out there and when I am good at laughing, I'm way happier. Isn't that great?"

Alec has no car, I think for the first time on him mission.  That may have something to do with his recent birthday and the expiration of his driver's license.  So he's riding a bike, and I hope he really enjoys it!  He loved biking before his mission, but I'm sure riding for transportation is much different than racing them.

Jump over to Alec's South Africa blog or Ben's Madagascar blog.

Happy New Year!

We rang in the new year with a sore throat or two.  Needless to say, we were not terribly festive.  We managed to stay awake all evening, which was a challenge.  I don't know why we can't end the old year a few hours early!  We even missed the countdown because of a confusion over the correct channel.  Oh well.  The new year came in whether we watched it do so or not.

Trent got a new game, based on a show he loves, so he played that with the kids.  Of course, we had to have a round of Disney Monopoly as well.  The twins are old enough now, mostly, that they don't throw the pieces around like a Tasmanian devil explosion anymore, so that's good.

For the first time in years - a couple decades, actually - I don't feel panic at the beginning of a new year.  People look back at the past year and hope the next one will be better, but I always had an anxiety attack, worrying like crazy that the new year would actually be harder than the old one was.  Those fears of mine were not wholly unfounded, because we've had some pretty hard times.  But this year feels different.  Now, I feel different.  There's a new optimism in me that I haven't seen for a long, long time.  I really do feel that this year will bring good things.  Hooray!

Happy New Year!  I think this will be a good one for us.

Turbulence

This week, we had some pretty hefty winds.  I saw a picture that someone had taken of the middle of the winds.  The current next to the ground was heading left, and the higher current is going right.  The clouds in the middle are being blown by both currents.

I am amazed at how beautiful this is.  The contrasting currents pull the clouds in opposite directions,  making graceful curves and swirls.  It couldn't be prettier if it had been sculpted.

Sometimes I feel like I am pulled in different directions.  10 different directions, to be exact.  Every child has needs.  The house has needs.  My husband has needs.  My church calling has needs.  My kitchen has needs.  Oh, and I need things too - how can I take care of everything?  And all at the same time?

I often feel stretched thin and buffeted about.  But maybe, from a different perspective, it makes lovely swirls and loops.  Maybe God is making beauty out of my chaos after all.

My Family Makes Me Happy

A little bit of what we've been doing the last while:

Dad getting ready to tell bedtime stories to Georgie and Angel.  They love him so much.

Freddie deciding that he'd rather play with his Legos than listen to a bedtime story.  He'll pitch a fit if he misses any of the story, though.

Eddie logging into the computer to report his hours of trombone practice on the band's website.  He really enjoys playing it, but I don't know about lugging the big thing to school every other day.  I'm sure he's glad it's not a tuba.

I didn't get pictures of Chris or David - they are getting to those teenaged years where they would prefer not to have their pictures taken.  Still love 'em!

Birthday Recap

So yeah, we managed to pull off a birthday tea party.  I was quite surprised that, despite the short notice, almost all the little girls came!  What am I supposed to do with NINE extra little girls in my house?  Take deep breaths.  The twins didn't even mind being outnumbered.

Honestly, I was so busy prepping food and cleaning up and getting things ready (in the middle of the usual Saturday hubbub) that I didn't even think about little girls until quite a few had collected.  After so many boys inhabiting our home, it was a little bit shocking to see such a pile of princess dresses and fluffy outfits.  I'm laughing at myself.

I gave them free reign at a pile of polka-dot paper, sparkly pens, and my old stash of scrapbooking stickers.  After a giggly while, we set the table for the tea party.  We had a little lesson in etiquette, then poured the pink lemonade.  It was adorable to hear them demurely murmur "oh, dear," when they dropped something on the floor and hilarious to hear their pretend British accents.  I have to admit that I had a good time just watching them, and I tried really hard not to laugh so they could hear.

My birthday girl was absolutely delighted by everything, and that made all the not-very-much effort quite worth it.  Actually, I'd go to the moon and back for her if she needed it.  What mother wouldn't?

At the end of the day, Angel climbed into the top bunk early and snuggled into sleep with her favorite pictures and birthday cards taped lovingly to the rail (with the roll of tape I gave her 'cuz I was tired of losing mine to her.  Win.).  I love that the last card on the right is one Alec sent her from South Africa - last year.  It's a prized possession.  Oh, how we all love this girl!

Happy Father's Day

Found another post I forgot to hit "publish" on.  

Happy Father's Day to a wonderful man!  When we were in high school, I always thought he'd be a great Daddy, just by watching him play with my little brothers.  How lucky I am now, to watch him play with our kids.  And how lucky are they to have such a hands-on Dad?

This is what he wanted for Father's Day - to play games with the kids.  First he played little-kid Monopoly with the younger set.  Who knew that playing with children was so manly?  Every father ever, that's who.

Then they got out the big boy version and played for about an hour.  They all had lots of fun.

You are terrific, Trent!  So glad we all have you.

Dance Festival

This is how I can tell that the end of the school year is upon us.  It's time for the annual elementary dance festival.  This year, Eddie is in 6th grade and Angel is in kindergarten, so we got to watch both of them - and a whole bunch more of cute kid antics.

At the last minute, my dad decided to come with us, so we got lawnchairs out instead of sitting on the lawn.  The weather was perfect - nearly threatening to rain without actually wetting on us.  Usually it is blisteringly hot at this time of year, so the cool was a welcome change.  Georgie and Freddie loved watching the kids dance, and sat remarkably still for most of the performance.  

This is the traditional dance of the 6th graders, and they have been doing it for as long as I can remember.  They were doing it when Alec was here in 6th grade, and Ben, Chris, and David have all done the same dance... and I did a form of it when I was there, too.  Only we used stretchy bungee cord things - like giant elastics - and they use pvc pipes that they hit on the boards to keep the rhythm.  Eddie was grinning big, and had a great time.

Angel, here in the bright pink, was so hopping up and down excited to do her fishy dance with her fishy headband with fish eyeballs on it!  And then when she went out to dance, she was concentrating so much that she never cracked a smile at all.

These two grades were first and second, and it was fun to watch the rest of the dances after that without having to try and crane to find my own child or get a reasonable picture.  The last dance was either the third or fifth graders, and they danced to Pharrell's song "Happy."  Oh, it was so cute!  I was actually sitting there with tears running down my cheeks, thinking about how happy these children are.  This is the best time of their lives, and I so hope and pray that it only gets better from here.  There is so much love and potential in a child.

How sappy I am.  But happy and proud to be a mother, to be entrusted with the care and happiness of such wonderful little people.  Dance on!

Quick Shots

Before that first boy of mine left, I had to get a new family picture.  To shirk this motherly duty would be downright shameful.  Especially if you consider that it will be two years before he comes back home.  Two years.  <sigh>  And by the time he comes back, That next boy of mine will be gone.  And the third will be packing up his bags.  It is entirely possible that Chris will go out before Ben comes back.  And it might be four years before I see this again.

And in four years, it is entirely possible that we could have a daughter-in-law.  Or two.  I've seen how those girls look at my boys.  It's with a sparkle in their eyes, like they see something special.  They do.  They also look at these boys with their heads tilted way, way back.  'Cause I have tall boys, I do.  I'm not sure when all this tallness and handsomeness came about, but I've got to capture it while I can.

I am so grateful for my family.  They are for sure the biggest blessing I have.  Every day, in every prayer, I thank my loving Heavenly Father for the chance to be their mother.  Oh so grateful.

I wish I could grab every moment and hang on with my fingernails.  In the very same breath, I love watching the time pass and the buds open.  I can't wait to see what they will become.  It just doesn't get any better than this.

Happy Autumn

Isn't this just gorgeous?  I am so grateful for this beautiful world.  Every time I turn around, there is something else amazing to look at.  And I found these in my very own backyard.  Thanks, Lord.

Dress Up

Thanks for joining me for this month-long writing challenge.  I've learned some, and been reminded of more.  And to finish out my month of ways to be happy, a few fresh-today photos of what makes me the most happy.

Thing 2 (Georgie), Cat in the Hat (Angel), and Thing 1 (Freddie).  The twins were type-cast this year.

David as a Dementor.  Had to take the face-mask part of his full-body shadow off during school, but had a good time with it.

Giant teddy bear (Chris) and Aloha tourist (Ben).  Chris threatened bad things if we asked what the fox says, so I won't.

Eddie as a bearded minion.  He is truly in love with the beard beanie I made for him.  Now Trent wants one.  And David.  And Eddie wants another one...

Because I love being a mom.  These kidlets make me happy like I wouldn't ever have been able to imagine.  This is the first year in a while that I didn't make myself a costume.  That's ok.  I'd rather be a happy mom than a dressed-up, stressed-out mom, and that's what it boiled down to this year.  Next year, though...

Just for today, dress up and look at the world from a different perspective.  You might be surprised how fun it is.  Or jump on a bed.  That always helps happy.

Read Something Happy

A few of my favorites.  The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin.

My sister-in-law sent me this book a few years ago, and it is still one of my favorites.  Lotsa good stuff in here.  Also see the Gretchen's happiness website here.  Lots more good.

Here is one I'm currently reading: Happiness by Joan Duncan Oliver.

And my favoritest happy book ever, Lighten Up by Chieko Okazaki.  She has got to be one of the most cheerful people I've ever wanted to meet.

Just for today, read something happy.

Settle and Un-Busy-fy

Un-busy-fy.  I like my new, made-up word.  I think, and I think most of us agree, that we are often too busy.  And sometimes busy just for the sake of being busy.

Dieter Uchtdorf, the man whose impeccable German accent reminds me of my own dear Opa, said it this way:

Isn’t it true that we often get so busy? And, sad to say, we even wear our busyness as a badge of honor, as though being busy, by itself, was an accomplishment or sign of a superior life.
Is it?
I think of our Lord and Exemplar, Jesus Christ, and His short life among the people of Galilee and Jerusalem. I have tried to imagine Him bustling between meetings or multitasking to get a list of urgent things accomplished.

Slow down.  Do the important things.  Enjoy the people around you.  Drink up the fall colors.  I'm talking to myself, as a result of my overly crazy self these past few days.  And that's all I'm going to say, because I'm getting off the computer to go read a story to my kidlets and love on them.

Just for today, settle your brains for a few minutes, un-busy-fy, and really live.  Then jump back in if you must, a bit happier.

Laugh

I have the funniest kids.  Well, maybe not the funniest.  That honor probably goes to my sister-in-law, whose children are constantly saying the most hilarious things.  But we have some pretty funny things going on here, too.  And the laughter that my children create helps to balance out the wild and stressful and not-so-funny times.

Yesterday, the twins came home from the nursery at church wearing spider hats.  I think they talked about the creation/Halloween.  Creative mix.  Georgie was running around the house and Angel and her little friend were running from him, screaming.  He wasn't chasing them; he just wanted to play with them.  As he ran through the living room, he yelled at them, "Don't run!  The Georgie-spider is nice!"

Angle got tired and spent half an hour telling me all that was wrong with the world as I held and quieted her.  In the middle of a sentence, she interrupted herself to pose the question, "What if we ate a bus?"  He abrupt shift of topics led to her telling me about stone-and-marshmallow sandwiches.  A few minutes later, after gesturing to show how big something was, she exclaimed, "Hey!  I wish I didn't have a thumb!"

Georgie was growling, pretending to be a hungry lion.  Calmly, Freddie asked, "Are you mad?"  Pause.  Renewed growling.  "Yes!"  Still calm, Freddie replied, "Don't be mad so I can look at you."

Freddie fell down and got a minor hurt.  He came running for me and climbed on my lap.  Stroking his hair, I told him that I loved him, then asked, "You are getting so big!  What will you do when you can't fit on my lap anymore?"  He thought for a while before answering, "Um... eat spicy sauce."

This quote is from Marjorie Hinckley, one of my mothering heroes, and it's literally true for me.  Many are the times I've made a feeble joke in the hopes it would ward off tears.  It almost always works.

Just for today, find something funny or even ridiculous and laugh.  It helps happy.

Be Patient With Yourself

I had a million things going on.  And at least half of them were things going wrong.

I had to make emergency runs (yes, plural) to the big box store and to the grocery store.

We got all out-of-whack about out meal schedule, which ends up meaning that we have kids at random times who get hungry or grouchy when they didn't eat at the last meal because they were still too full from the meal before.  I can be more flexible with meal times when there are fewer people around, but with everybody home, on a Saturday, it turned out to be not pretty.

I doled out normal Saturday chores at the beginning of the day, but I didn't follow up.  So some chores got done and others didn't.  Evidently, I also promised (did I?) to help a child or two with their chores (did I really?), so they spent the day waiting for me to come and help.

I was supposed to be working on Halloween costumes, but couldn't get around to it.

The cat stunk up the basement.  I've been warning the boys about leaving blankets or clothing on the floor.  I'll have to find the source of the stink, and get it cleaned up.

I had to give a couple of haircuts.  That's always a mess.  And the twins dragged themselves through the hair clippings, so there was twice the mess.

I stayed up late helping a boy finish his English paper.  All the commas in the essay had to be perfect, the teacher said.  I now know more about comma rules.  But it took much longer than we thought it would.

I chauffeured a  boy to a dance, then forgot to pick him up.

At 11:30 pm, I was finally able to start working on my Relief Society lesson.  I had to start over because I had lost the original text I had been working on.

You've had days like this.  Not necessarily with the same activities, but with the same level of too-much-to-do-and-not-enough-time-and-too-much-stress.  They happen, and we need to just accept that.  We can't always avoid them - although I could probably have planned my time and allocated my resources better.

So when a really wild, stressful day comes around, be nice to yourself.  Do the best you can.  Breathe occasionally.  You will get through.

Just for today, be patient with yourself.  This will pass.

Be Patient

It's true.  We love our chickens.  They make good pets, and they make us breakfast, too.  And my man loves having a good, hearty breakfast of eggs.  Me?  I'm a syrup kind of gal.  Pancakes, waffles, French toast.  Yum.  Give me sugar first thing in the morning, and I'm happy.  But even so, we need to have eggs.

That's why it's been upsetting lately that our chickens have gone on strike.  The ladies refuse to lay.  I;m not exactly sure what is going on, but I suspect it is a combination of issues: the watering-boy took a break from getting the birds clean water daily, we ran out of official feed and gave them whole grains, the days are getting shorter, and one hen went broody.  She sits in the nesting box all day, trying to hatch two golf balls, and clucks at anyone else who disturbs her.

Gotta fix this problem.  Trent actually had to buy eggs from the store.  No space for freeloaders here!  So we changed the water-boy.  Got more feed for laying hens.  Partitioned off the broody hen (with a chicken noodle soup box - subliminal messages) so the others have access to the nesting box.  And we sprinkled cayenne pepper in their food.  Some say it will kick-start their systems.

Man.  It would sure kick-start something in me, too.  But they really liked it.

And now we wait.  One egg yesterday.  Three eggs today.  Things are looking up.  Maybe it was good that we didn't make a giant pot of chicken soup back when we first got frustrated with the girls.

Just for today, be patient when things aren't going your way.  Do everything you can to improve the situation, then wait with hope.  The sun will come out... (bonus if you are singing!)

Grin Like You Mean It

Just had to share this photo my boy posted.

Alec and his buddy just got their airborne patches.  Is he excited to jump out of airplanes, or what?  Me, not so much.  But I love this smile.  I love the enthusiasm.  I love being his mom.

Oh, and I love that smile.  I'm gonna work on getting a smile on my face again.  I know I already wrote about smiling, but it really makes such a difference!

Just for today, smile like you mean it.  With your whole face.