Dealing With Depression

I've enjoyed working with happiness over the past week.  It has helped me to ignore some of the pesky fruit flies of pessimism that seem to plague me.  When I can focus on the good, life seems to be more rosy, more cheerful, more beautiful.

But what about those other times, those times when it is just dark?  Bleak.  Dismal.  It's those kind of days, the "I really don't think I can get out of bed today" times that I'm talking about.  It's more than just a short time, too.  And more than just a bad hair day.  How do we find happiness then?

Oh, it's hard.  I know.

Watch this video, and we'll pick it apart some tomorrow.  Until then, if you are having one of those black times, hang on.

My Mormon Opinion

Just for today, hang on.  And believe in miracles.

Find the Happy in Me

This week, we've talked about finding happy things around us.  Sometimes it helps to literally count our blessings, because we might not realize how many there are.  The very act of looking for good retrains our minds towards the positive, instead of our default negative.  It seems to be human nature to see the bad things first.  Maybe its a way that we can use to improve those areas that need work.

But when I think of all the areas that need work...

...wait...

..still thinking of problem zones...

..we could be here all day...

...it's easy to become discouraged.  Because, honestly, are the places that couldn't use a bit of sprucing up?  Or maybe a lot?  Once we get to the point that there isn't any room for improvement, we achieve perfection.  If you ask me, perfect might be a little bit boring.

I think a big part of this life is striving to become more like God - who is perfect.  We won't get to perfect here, and I think the comparison of what we know is ultimately possible with the imperfect human conditions we have here leads to discontent.  Hopefully we can use that to continue to strive for betterment.  Unfortunately, it can also lead to overwhelming feeling of discouragement and depression if we expect perfection now.

In recognizing how I look at myself in the mirror, I have realized that I'm not very kind to myself.  I criticize and backtalk, complaining and scolding about all the shortfalls and mistakes I have.  I'm carrying around an enemy!  If I had a friend who talked to me like that, I'd have to get into counseling to learn how to get rid of that friend.

I want to have a friend who is positive and uplifting.  The people who are good to me say things like "Oh, this is your mess?  This is nothing!"  And "No, that sweater really looks great on you."  and "Cut yourself a break.  You have how many people living in your house?!?"

No one is around me more than me.  So I ought to be the one with the positive voice, the one who spreads cheer and happiness... to me.  When I am more happy, I am better able to then spread that goodness around.  So I ought to find the wonderful, the awesome, to good... in me.  I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better all the time.  And that's what counts.

Just for today, look for the good in yourself.  Compliment yourself like a best friend would.  Smile about exactly what you are today.  And use that happiness to continue to do better.

More Mirror Happy

What an interesting experiment that was - to look at the lovely parts of my face in the mirror instead of pointing out the flaws.  I can honestly say that I feel just a leetle bit more beautiful today.

My husband's aunt has a marvelous, magical mirror.  It is gorgeous and old and elegant.

It's not this mirror, but it looks a lot like this one.  This is a picture from when Trent and I got married, and down the hall in the middle of that picture is the hallway where the magic mirror lives.

It hangs at the end of a long main floor hallway, so you watch yourself walk all the way down the hall when you have to visit the loo.  But we all love the mirror.  Somehow, it squeezes your image to make you taller and thinner.  I'm sure Aunt's hallway powder room gets more traffic solely for the purpose of seeing ourselves in the mirror.  I've seen groups of women, giggling in front of the mirror.  Oh, if we only really looked like that.

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My full-length mirrors at home, and the reflection on the car, and the plate-glass windows at the store... they all make me look like the image on the left, I'm sure.  Because all I see is my tummy.

That's the tummy that has grown and shrunk and grown and shrunk and accommodated eight different children.  And to me, it still looks pretty stretched out with twin skin.  Because there was a time when my belly needed its own zip code with two small fry in there.  It will never be pre-pubescent flat again.  You know what?  The rest of me will never be pre-pubescent again, either.  And I'm honestly glad about that.

But when all I can see, when I look in the mirror, is the tummy, I miss the rest of me.  Like the waist that is thinner now than it has been for five years.  Like my broad shoulders.  Or my great hair.  Wait, that was yesterday's like.  I can be happy about my hair again today, can't I?

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What part of you is beautiful?  Or wonderful?  Or strong?  Or improving?  Look at that for a change, instead of those trouble areas that we tend to hyper-focus on.

Just for today, look in the mirror and admire something about your body.  It's pretty amazing, all the things it can do.  And smile.

Find the Happy in My Face

So I found my little clicker and used it to count how many times I smiled.  I found that, with the clicker in my hand, I was going out of my way to smile more often.  At first, I thought that might be cheating.  But it's not.  That's the whole point.  Sometimes we have to do things that feel slightly fake before we practice enough to make it second nature.  Not that smiling is a fake thing to do.  We just don't do it as often as we ought to.

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(The only part that might have been a little cheating was stopping a smile so I could smile again and count it as two smiles instead of one long one.  But I only did that when my smiler started wearing out.)  :-)  I got 51 smiles clicked in an hour or two before the clicker got set down somewhere.  It's hard to click and cook at the same time.  Roast clicker for dinner.  Yum.

I still like looking at my smile in my new, shiny mirror.  should have cleaned that a while ago, hmm?  And while I was looking at my happy me, I realized something.

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I am not usually happy when I look in the mirror.  My kids have not become as jaded as I am.  They love to look in the mirror, make faces, laugh, and play.

When I look in the mirror, I am usually looking at that stray lock of hair that is sticking straight up, alfalfa-style.  Or the new zit popping up on my cheek.  Or how tired my eyes look.  Or the new wrinkles that seem to multiply every night.  Oh, I'm getting old.  And one negative glance leads to another, because I can always find bad things to pick out.

Pretty soon, there is no smile.

But there are always good things to pick out, too.  I have fabulously hair.  How often do I think about that?  I have a nice smile.  I really do.  And my lashes are naturally dark.  My ears line up with each other!  And one positive glance can lead to another.  Before I know it, that smile may reappear.

I think we are often looking too hard at what we are not that we don't see how lovely we truly are.

Just for today, every time I look in the mirror, I am going to pick out one thing that is lovely, and smile about it.

Find the Happy Face

Yesterday, I wrote about counting the happy things you come across.  There are so many good things to find... when we will just start looking.

Yeah, that's the kind of things we are looking for.  That comes from a list of things I believe, and it's the 13th item, if you are wondering why it has the 13 in the background.  You can find the entire list here, and it is chock-full of things that make me happy.

My neighbor brought her bubbly little daughter over for a tea party.  Angel figured out that she didn't get the birthday party she wanted because we were on vacation for her birthday, so I've been placating her with a few low-key tea parties.  Problem solved.  Anyway, as I was chatting with my neighbor, the house got a trifle too quiet.  You know what that means.

I found Georgie in my bathroom, stripped naked to the waist.  He was coating his chest with deodorant (the room smelled yummy of Old Spice, but that's beside the point).  Oh, and he used a bottle of my lotion to finger-paint all over the mirror.  His accomplice, Freddie, had already fled the scene.  I laughed.  And laughed (but not in front of the perpetrator).  This is how I can tell I am getting to be an older mother, because I laugh first and dole out punishments later.  I'm getting soft that way, but more fun!

So I haven't had the use of my bathroom mirror for a few days.  There was too much going on, and I didn't remember about it until I was too tired and going to bed.  Trent got tired of it sooner than I did and scraped and cleaned (and cleaned and cleaned) off the mirror.  I walked into the bathroom and it sparkled!  What a Sweetheart he is.  I looked in the mirror and saw - for the first time in a week - a big smile on my face.  

It looked good.  And it felt good.  The smile, not the mirror.  The clean reflection just showed me what my own smile looked like.  Trent tells me that my smile is one of his favorite things about mt.

So for today, I'm smiling.  At everything I can.  My goal is to have sore face muscles tomorrow.

Yup.  Each one of those areas is affected by a big, genuine smile.  Try it with me?  Maybe 'll even count smiles.  Where's that clicker?  I know I set it down somewhere around here...

Just for today...smile!

Day One - Count Happy

I got myself one of these.

It's not very big, but it's yellow.  It's a happy clicker, I click every time something nice or beautiful or happy happens.  The first click was how cheerful the clicker was.  Then I handed it over to my kids to use.  We had just begun a long road trip and I was a trifle worried that the long drives and close conditions could make for short tempers and difficult attitudes.

So I taught my kids how to use the clicker.  And they took 30 minute turns finding good things.  It really made a difference in the van, and in our trip.  Soon they were more peaceful.  The ones who were not on the clicker would point out things to click for.  My husband and I, after a happy thought, would simply say "click."  By using the clicker every now and then, we racked up nearly 1500 in just a few days.  What a game-changer.

I got a whole clicking kit, from these folks.  No, I don't get anything for writing this.  I just like to share good stuff I've found.  And focusing on the positive sure helped us all to feel a bit more happy.  That's all.

So for today, count every happy for 15 minutes.  Don't have to write down what they are - just make tick marks on a sticky note or something.  Or get a clicker.  You'll be amazed at how many happies you find!

15 Minutes of Happy

Welcome to 31 Days of Being Happy!*  Doesn't it just bring a smile to your face?

Actually, no.  It doesn't.  I struggle with depression and anxiety and being an introvert and way too much busy.  It makes for a bad combo of not-happy.  The thought of trying to be happy every day for an entire month is honestly scary and overwhelming.  The Lord wants us to be happy.  That's one reason He sent us here, after all.  We learn and grow and become better... and happier.  And as hard as it is sometimes, I can manage to be happy for 15 minutes.  

So no thinking about the entire month.  Join me in a search for happy, 15 minutes at a time.  That's it.  I can do this.  I think.  At least that's what I thought when I was thinking about it.

I'm linking up with The Nester and oh, about a million other writers to do her annual 31 Days series.  Anita Knapp is listed in the "Inspiration and Faith" category, and I think we're at about #280.  Glad to be included!

Day 1 - Count Happy
Day 2 - Find the Happy Face
Day 3 - Find the Happy in My Face
Day 4 - More Mirror Happy
Day 5 - Find the Happy in Me

Day 7 - Dealing With Depression
Day 8 - You Are More Than Your Depression
Day 9 - Never Lose Hope
Day 10 - Take a Break
Day 11 - Don't You Quit
Day 12 - Repair Work

Day 14 - Feel Vindicated
Day 15 - Find Good Things
Day 16 - Be Happy in Helping
Day 17 - Be Happy Through the Rain
Day 18 - Love My Dad
Day 19 - Write Your Stories

Day 21 - We've Been Hit!
Day 22 - A Scout Is
Day 23 - Dressing the Part
Day 24 - Grin Like You Mean It
Day 25 - Be Patient
Day 26 - Be Patient With Yourself

Day 28 - Laugh
Day 29 - Settle and Un-Busy-Fy
Day 30 - Read Something Happy
Day 31 - Dress Up

* I won't be posting on Sundays, so it will end up more like 27 days, but that's close enough, right?  Thanks for reading along!