Sharing the SuperMom Secret

Here it is - the insider information that not very many people know:

Lots of people are Super!  

It's not a traditional secret, because I just told everyone so now you know.  But it is a secret because we don't want to believe it.  For some reason, I want to think that I am just average.  Maybe slightly above average.  Most days, I think I'm moderately below average.  Me, super?  No way.

For some reason, it is socially acceptable, especially for women and especially especially for moms, to say mean things about ourselves.  We can dish out all the bad things about how hard it is to be a mom, or how exhausted we are, or how terrible our kids are.  And everyone nods and understands.

But it's not alright to say nice things about ourselves.  If I tell about how clean my house is, I'm bragging.  I can't say how great my son is without following it up with a horrendous story.  It's not ok to be proud of your mothering accomplishments.

Why?

I dunno.  But until it's ok to be positive about this mothering role, and really believe that moms are SuperMoms, it's hard to say nice things to ourselves.

So I'll have to say it for you.  Please pause while I get on my cheerleader skirt.  Rah!  Rah!  Mom!

Sorry that it just doesn't come out the same in print.  My apologies.

I'm on a mission to boost the SuperMom ego.  The other night, I went to a play that Alec had been doing sound and lighting work for,  He's put in a lot of time, and he's pretty excited about how well it turned out.  Of course I go to see it.  That's what moms do.

While I was there, I noticed another mother sitting a few rows in front of me.  She had a whole string of kidlets with her - every one was bright and cheerful and dressed adorably.  The girls all had the kind of hairdos that says, "My mom spent a lot of time with me" and even the dad was dapper.  The mom, however, was dressed in a big old t-shirt and baggy pants.  She took care of everyone but herself.

During intermission, I stole a moment to crouch down near the woman and compliment her on what a fine family she had.  She was shocked and amazed that a total stranger would make such comments.  I totally enjoyed it.  Judging from her grin and the grin of her husband as she leaned over to tell him, I think my comments made an impression.

So my challenge to you - find the hidden heroes, and let them in on the secret.  It makes for more SuperMoms, and more SuperYou, too.

Are You a SuperMom?

I'm a SuperMom.  I'm proud to admit it, because I work hard at what I do.  And no one else gives me applause, so I'll have to do it myself.  :-)

So today, me and my trusty sidekick, Most Truly Excellent Trent Gent (or maybe I'm his sidekick) were working on the Chicken Hideout of Splendor.  He's awfully busy at his job, (for which I am hugely grateful), so he hasn't been able to help build the coop as much as he'd like.  The boys and I have been working hard, and with Trent's help, the coop is framed, sided, and has a plywood roof.  And the best part - the chicks are living outside!  In their house, not in my house.  Happy dancing under the heavens.

This morning, as TrentGent was heading out to tar paper and shingle the roof, he took a good look at it, and decided it wasn't quite right.  I was discouraged.  All that hard work we did - and it has to be pulled down and done over again?  I didn't feel very heroic.  Maybe it's because I wasn't wearing tights.  It is a challenge to work together - for any two people.

I went in the house, despondent.  Maybe not that bad.  But I'm sure I heard sad movie music in my SuperMom background.  I sat on a chair and thought hard thoughts.  Maybe it just isn't going to work out.  Maybe he can do his projects and I'll do mine - separately.  No, that's not the right way.

I realized that even super heroes have bad days.  Superman had to get away from everything for a while.  Spiderman needs to take breaks.  There is always a point in the story where it looks like the bad guy is going to win, and the hero will have to back away in defeat.

But you know what?  The movie doesn't end there.  

Remember that, when you hear the sad movie music in your background.  This is not the end - it's the middle.  We triumph in the end.  And then pick yourself up and get back out there.  Because that is what SuperYou does. And then we win.  Really.

SuperMom as Hero

I wanted to title this post Super Heroes, but evidently that term is copyrighted.  Whaaa?  Since when do you get to copyright such a germane term?  And the copyright is shared by two major comic book companies.  Never heard of such a thing.  Maybe their superheroes can work together with the lawyers.  Whatever.

So in order to be a super hero (Do I need to count my use of this term and pay royalties?  I'll just put it in italics.  Like so.), you need to have some basic attributes.  Chief among those are

1. Amazing powers, skills and/or gadgetry - need not be super-human
2. Strong moral code
3. Motivation - like a calling or sense of responsibility
4. Secret identity
5. Cool costume
6. Cool theme
7. Supporting cast
8. Villain(s)
9. Independent wealth or occupation with minimal supervision
10. Headquarters, often hidden from the public
11. Story of origin that explains how hero status was achieved
12. Weakness

So does Mom fit the bill?  I lay out my case for you to decide (and then I'll use bribes and trickery if you don't agree with me).

1. Not all super heroes have super-human powers.  Many do, but many others just finely hone their skills, or have special stuff or technology.  SuperMoms have linguistic and decipher skills to understand Toddlerese, a Stomach of Steel, and a Psychic Sense to know what is going on in here.  They can work magic in the kitchen with only three ingredients, have an accurate Lie Detector, and Power Arms to carry groceries and a baby up stairs in (nearly) a single bound.  Super Instincts and Gut Feel are some of the most frequently used skills in SuperMom's arsenal.  Eyes in the back of her head, Juggling, and the amazing Healing Kiss.  Super Hearing, Laughing in crisis, Mulititasking, Diplomacy.  Working all through the night with no sleep - and then doing it again the next day.  And I could go on and on.  And on. 
2. Let's see, who do I know who has, on a regular basis, a willingness to risk one's safety for others, or is willing to put others' need before one's own comfort?  Mom.
3. All I can say is that there is no motivation like protecting one's own flesh and blood.  
4. I can't speak for other Moms, but I know I have a secret identity.  I used to be a college student.  I used to be on the honor roll.  I used to speak in complete sentences.  To be completely fair, motherhood has not robbed me of my intelligence - if anything, the daily challenges of caring for a large family have increased my capacities enormously - but it's not always visible.
5. Cool costume.  I have a few unused formal gowns in the back of my closet.  Does that count?  I'll just put it on the record that I want a cool costume.  With a cape.  And Wonder Woman bracelets. Tights, however, are optional.
6. My theme is, first and foremost, my family.  I can't think of any other motif that would so completely envelop my wonderful crime-fighting life and weave it all into a maybe-not-so-coherent whole.
7. SuperMom, by very definition, has a support staff.  Usually it's her partner, WonderHubby, and a Kidlet or two.  Or more.  It's hard to be a mom all by yourself.  Grandmas and neighbors and Very Experienced Mothers are also extremely helpful.
8. Everyday criminals would include Clutter, Waste, and Rudeness.  Also, Slovenly Redneck.  As SuperMom advances, she battles Frantic Busyness and his sidekick Monotony.  Supervillains include Family Demise, Pornography, and the evil, devaluing Justamom.  My personal Archnemisis is TimeWaster, usually in the form of Internet.  Never a dearth of bad guys to fight.
9. Most SuperMoms I know aren't blessed with independent wealth (although that's what I told people when I was newly widowed.  That's a wacky story for another day.).  But motherhood is often a solitary job.  No one supervises or micromanages most of the time, leaving SuperMom the time and space to do her heroic job the best way she can find.
10. My home is my fortress.  Enough said.
11. And how do we come into the position of accepting the calling of SuperMom?  It's a long story, but I can assure you, there is a story.  A novel, actually.  And for me, it's two novels.  Maybe I'll write it out someday.  But I'll tell you this - there is kissing.

And so, gentle reader, I leave you with overwhelming (if somewhat flexible) evidence that motherhood fits the description of super hero.  Wear your calling proudly, Mothers.

Now where is my cape?  Probably in the laundry.  Drat.

Super Mom

I'm a little late in starting my Mother's Day week.  I've been thinking so hard, over so many things, that I just couldn't begin to get it all straight.  And it all centers on mother.  Super Mom, to be precise.

 I've been reading articles that plead with mothers to avoid getting caught in the "Super Mom" trap of thinking that they can "do it all."  It just leads to guilt and depression, they say.

I beg to differ.  The problem is not in "Super Mom."  The problem lies in our definitions, and what we do with the terms.  According to the World English Dictionary, a superhero is

 any of various comic-strip characters with superhuman abilities or magical powers, wearing a distinctive costume and fighting against evil

As much as I would love to see mothers dressed up in superhero costumes (maybe I'll do that sometime!), I have to admit that a mother does not fit that definition.  Not exactly.  But sometimes mothers do things which definitely seem superhuman.  The abilities of a mother can seem magical at times.  And I have absolutely seen mothers fight against evil.  So maybe a mom can be a supermom, after all.

In contrast, a regular hero is defined by dictionary.com as a person of

distinguished courage or ability, admired for brave deeds and noble qualities

Mom, mom, mom, and yes mom.  Mothers never end up on the list of regularly admired heroes, except around Mother's Day.  And the mothers so venerated usually shrink from the praise and even use it to heap guilt and discouragement on themselves.

Why?

I have indeed been guilty of the "I'm not good enough" guilt and the "I'll never be that good" discouragement. Last year, I wrote about Mother's Day being a day to honor motherhood, instead of individual mothers.  This year, I want to make a case for SuperMom. I like it better as one word.  It needs a booming announcer that way.

Stay tuned for more exciting adventures of SuperMom!

Editing and Space

I just read an article here about editing the stuff in your home.  If one thing is good and beautiful, ten are not necessarily better.  Too often, they are clutter.  It was refreshing to read that and not buy into the stuff-your-home-from-wall-to-wall-and-knick-knacks-arranged-on-every-surface mentality.

I am a minimalist.  You wouldn't think so, with my big family.  But I need to be even more, or I would go crazy with all of everyone's stuff.  Things do creep in, and manage to cover every available surface.  After a while, we suddenly notice the creep and go on an editing binge.  "Editing" is such a nice word.  Much better than "purging," no?

Alec has been fixing Trent's ceiling escape hatch.  It looks so much more... closed now.  He's been doing a good job, and learning about mudding and taping as he goes.  Home repairing is one of those things I want my kids to know before they fly the coop.

We moved the computers out of the dining room as part of this project and finally took out the tables they were resting on.  We pushed the table into the living room so we wouldn't get mud plops on it.  I think I'll even relocate the desk and hutch that is hiding under the blue sheets.

I'm loving the open space.  Part of me feels like I need to move some more furniture back in, but I'm resisting.  Now I can breathe while I eat dinner - after we move the table back in, that is.

Before the Computer

I have some things to do first.

So Distracted!

So much to do - so little focus!

Need to go take a deep breath...