Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Fixing The Blue Jean Gap

Nope.  Not talking about the store.  I'm talking about the breeze that blows down my back whenever I so much as lean forward in a pair of jeans.  And if I bend over, it's downright chilly.  When I sit, I have to be careful that that anyone behind me doesn't get an unintentional view.  And then when I stand back up, I have to hike up the front of the jeans, since the gap magically crept around and wiggled my belly up further than the jeans were.  And at the end of the day, I have saggy butt because those same old jeans now ride lower on my hips than they's supposed to.  You know the gap I'm talking about now?

It happens when your waist is thinner, or your booty is bigger or your thighs are wider than "they" think they should be, because "they" don't make nice jeans for your shape.  That's why, when I went jeans shopping for my birthday, I bought two dresses instead.  And man, I have loved those dresses this summer.  Lived in them.

But now, the nip of fall is in the air, and easy breezy skirty is a bit too chilly.  So I put on the jeans, and remember about the drafty back.

Fortunately, for me and other afflicted women the world over, I have, just now, discovered the fix.  It's not this:

or this:

Although I suppose both would work.  No, my solution, although it takes a bit longer, is much more pleasant.

It involves a box of ice cream, two pizzas, a Costco bag of trail mix, and three packages of cookies.  Eat slowly and enjoy.  Or scarf it all down.  Whatever.  Just wipe your mouth when you are done.  Oh, and sit around a lot.  No exercising needed.  When you are done, your new and improved muffin top will fill out those jeans perfectly!  No more back gap.

You're welcome.

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