Don't You Quit

One reason I've been enjoying this week of studying Jeffrey R. Holland's talk on depression so much is that I missed a bunch of the other talks during LDS General Conference this past weekend.  Normally, I like to take a break from my normal work and listen to the talks on Saturday and Sunday.  On Sunday, unfortunately, I had to go over and deal with a minor medical emergency with my dad (he is fine now, just forgot to take his medicines for a couple of weeks).  And on Saturday, Trent and I were at a funeral of his close high school friend who had taken his own life.  What a heartbreaking day.

After we got home from the funeral, I sat on the couch, exhausted.  This talk was the first one I heard from start to finish.  It struck so close to home for the day.  I listened and cried.

Whatever your struggle, my brothers and sisters—mental or emotional or physical or otherwise—do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee.

And even though it isn't from the talk last weekend, talk, I loved this picture so much.

Creative LDS Quotes

Just for today, keep on keeping on.  It will get better.  It will.

Take a Break

More from Jeffrey R. Holland.  He says this so much better than I can!

   In preventing illness whenever possible, watch for the stress indicators in yourself and in others you may be able to help. As with your automobile, be alert to rising temperatures, excessive speed, or a tank low on fuel. When you face “depletion depression,” make the requisite adjustments. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill. 

   If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. 

Saborn Va

   If you are the one afflicted or a caregiver to such, try not to be overwhelmed with the size of your task. Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. If those are only small victories, be grateful for them and be patient. Dozens of times in the scriptures, the Lord commands someone to “stand still” or “be still”—and wait. Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education.
For caregivers, in your devoted effort to assist with another’s health, do not destroy your own. In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength. Whatever else you may or may not be able to provide, you can offer your prayers and you can give “love unfeigned.”
   Also let us remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for. We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions!

Just for today, "try not to be overwhelmed."  And take a 15 minute break.

Never Lose Hope

More goodness from Jeffrey R. Holland's talk from last Saturday.  It is finally out in print, so you can read it here.

I am not speaking of bad hair days, tax deadlines, or other discouraging moments we all have. Everyone is going to be anxious or downhearted on occasion. The Book of Mormon says Ammon and his brethren were depressed at a very difficult time, and so can the rest of us be. But today I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking!

Chocolate on My Cranium

So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.” Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart. Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.

Just for today, do all the good things you know are right, even if you don't feel like they will help.  And never give up hope.

You Are More Than Your Depression

In Jeffrey R. Holland's talk I referenced yesterday (I hope you watched it!  Go back and see the clip if you haven't yet.), he talked about how we need to have compassion for each other.  He quoted the apostle Peter in saying "disciples of Jesus Christ are to have 'compassion one of another'."

The referenced scripture is 1 Peter 3:8 where, besides having compassion for each other, we are reminded to love each other and treat each other with tenderness and courtesy.  We should be a blessing to each other.  So instead of looking down on those with mental illnesses, we should treat them with compassion.

AND we should treat ourselves that way, too.

Elder Holland goes on to say that "there should be no more shame in acknowledging them than acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor."

It doesn't matter whether our mental illness is minor or major - it's rough while you are in it.  So cut yourself some slack.  You are not your malady.

Your depression, your discouragement... is not you.

You are an amazing, beautiful child of God.  Really.

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Just for today - be nice to yourself if you are feeling down.  Remember how amazing you are inside!

Dealing With Depression

I've enjoyed working with happiness over the past week.  It has helped me to ignore some of the pesky fruit flies of pessimism that seem to plague me.  When I can focus on the good, life seems to be more rosy, more cheerful, more beautiful.

But what about those other times, those times when it is just dark?  Bleak.  Dismal.  It's those kind of days, the "I really don't think I can get out of bed today" times that I'm talking about.  It's more than just a short time, too.  And more than just a bad hair day.  How do we find happiness then?

Oh, it's hard.  I know.

Watch this video, and we'll pick it apart some tomorrow.  Until then, if you are having one of those black times, hang on.

My Mormon Opinion

Just for today, hang on.  And believe in miracles.

Find the Happy in Me

This week, we've talked about finding happy things around us.  Sometimes it helps to literally count our blessings, because we might not realize how many there are.  The very act of looking for good retrains our minds towards the positive, instead of our default negative.  It seems to be human nature to see the bad things first.  Maybe its a way that we can use to improve those areas that need work.

But when I think of all the areas that need work...

...wait...

..still thinking of problem zones...

..we could be here all day...

...it's easy to become discouraged.  Because, honestly, are the places that couldn't use a bit of sprucing up?  Or maybe a lot?  Once we get to the point that there isn't any room for improvement, we achieve perfection.  If you ask me, perfect might be a little bit boring.

I think a big part of this life is striving to become more like God - who is perfect.  We won't get to perfect here, and I think the comparison of what we know is ultimately possible with the imperfect human conditions we have here leads to discontent.  Hopefully we can use that to continue to strive for betterment.  Unfortunately, it can also lead to overwhelming feeling of discouragement and depression if we expect perfection now.

In recognizing how I look at myself in the mirror, I have realized that I'm not very kind to myself.  I criticize and backtalk, complaining and scolding about all the shortfalls and mistakes I have.  I'm carrying around an enemy!  If I had a friend who talked to me like that, I'd have to get into counseling to learn how to get rid of that friend.

I want to have a friend who is positive and uplifting.  The people who are good to me say things like "Oh, this is your mess?  This is nothing!"  And "No, that sweater really looks great on you."  and "Cut yourself a break.  You have how many people living in your house?!?"

No one is around me more than me.  So I ought to be the one with the positive voice, the one who spreads cheer and happiness... to me.  When I am more happy, I am better able to then spread that goodness around.  So I ought to find the wonderful, the awesome, to good... in me.  I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better all the time.  And that's what counts.

Just for today, look for the good in yourself.  Compliment yourself like a best friend would.  Smile about exactly what you are today.  And use that happiness to continue to do better.

More Mirror Happy

What an interesting experiment that was - to look at the lovely parts of my face in the mirror instead of pointing out the flaws.  I can honestly say that I feel just a leetle bit more beautiful today.

My husband's aunt has a marvelous, magical mirror.  It is gorgeous and old and elegant.

It's not this mirror, but it looks a lot like this one.  This is a picture from when Trent and I got married, and down the hall in the middle of that picture is the hallway where the magic mirror lives.

It hangs at the end of a long main floor hallway, so you watch yourself walk all the way down the hall when you have to visit the loo.  But we all love the mirror.  Somehow, it squeezes your image to make you taller and thinner.  I'm sure Aunt's hallway powder room gets more traffic solely for the purpose of seeing ourselves in the mirror.  I've seen groups of women, giggling in front of the mirror.  Oh, if we only really looked like that.

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My full-length mirrors at home, and the reflection on the car, and the plate-glass windows at the store... they all make me look like the image on the left, I'm sure.  Because all I see is my tummy.

That's the tummy that has grown and shrunk and grown and shrunk and accommodated eight different children.  And to me, it still looks pretty stretched out with twin skin.  Because there was a time when my belly needed its own zip code with two small fry in there.  It will never be pre-pubescent flat again.  You know what?  The rest of me will never be pre-pubescent again, either.  And I'm honestly glad about that.

But when all I can see, when I look in the mirror, is the tummy, I miss the rest of me.  Like the waist that is thinner now than it has been for five years.  Like my broad shoulders.  Or my great hair.  Wait, that was yesterday's like.  I can be happy about my hair again today, can't I?

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What part of you is beautiful?  Or wonderful?  Or strong?  Or improving?  Look at that for a change, instead of those trouble areas that we tend to hyper-focus on.

Just for today, look in the mirror and admire something about your body.  It's pretty amazing, all the things it can do.  And smile.